If you find yourself in a bout of depression or wrapped in another mental health condition, you may strive for a change. Since such changes don’t simply appear, you may have stopped to ask how to change yourself.

This is a natural question. In fact, our brains are practically designed to continue evolving. This is why we continue to desire throughout our lives, we always look for something more. ¹

Still, such change doesn’t come easy. And in many cases, people struggle to fully grasp a change. For this reason, we’ve laid out a step-by-step guide to transformation.

1.) Look Outside Yourself

Since our daily lives are internalized, we often don’t consider looking at ourselves from an outside perspective. However, such a perspective may be the key to unlocking a change.

Such perspective goes beyond physical appearance (though, this may be a feature of your change). It requires you to emotionally detach from yourself and simply look into the mirror as you are.

With this perspective, consider yourself a work of art that constantly evolves. One that requires fine-tuning certain details to paint the full picture you desire.

Naturally, such perspectives may come with feelings of upset. In many cases, people who desire change find disappointment in themselves. With that in mind, it’s important to take a step back and remember that you are only human like everyone else. And no human would desire change if they didn’t make mistakes too.

2.) Build Healthier Habits

Our entire essence is made up of the little things we do. In some cases, this can be easy to identify. For example, if you’re overweight, you likely know you need to exercise more.

In other cases, it may not be easy to identify. For example, if struggle with depression, you may not realize you fake your lifestyle to appear happy.

The brain is a complex machine and working out the little details of our habits is difficult. Not to mention, since we’re all such unique people, our bad habits differ greatly from one another.

With this in mind, a transformation of oneself requires a change in habits. Still, this is easier said than done. The brain isn’t immediately susceptible to a change in habit. The simple reason for this is any habits (whether good or bad) are associated with previous rewards. ² For example, if you have a poor diet, the reason may be that your brain connects unhealthy foods (i.e. sugars) with reward.

We must associate new (and healthier) habits with rewards to break these habits. In the above example, we would need to associate healthier foods as a reward for the brain.

This process is not easy and is especially discomforting at times. However, with enough time and effort, the brain will naturally redevelop itself to enjoy healthier habits. In fact, eventually, you’ll perform habits subconsciously simply because the brain associates these habits with reward.

3.) Persistence

With new habits under your belt, persistence is the key to acquiring the change you seek. Nothing happens overnight. Such efforts take time and energy.

While this is a given for many, moments will arise where you doubt yourself. Or, where you simply feel too drained to continue in your new habits.

As such, it’s vital to remember the importance of persistence. To consciously persist in these habits so that they eventually become subconscious behaviors.

4.) Be Realistic with Your Goals

One of the biggest difficulties many have when facing change is they set unrealistic goals for themselves. Naturally, when those goals are not fulfilled, this leaves us with a feeling of hopelessness and isolation. ³

What unrealistic goals look like varies from person to person. With that in mind, it can be difficult to identify unrealistic and possible goals. Furthermore, we may always think that anything we put our minds to is possible.

With all this, it’s important to take a step back and consider our capabilities. Naturally, there are things you’re capable of that you’re simply unaware of right now. However, we can also safely assume there are things you’re capable of that you’re not following through with as of this time.

To develop goals, it’s best to start small and work your way up. For example, if you’re ultimate goal is to lose weight, have a set end goal (let’s say, losing 100 lbs). From there, create smaller goals that can be accomplished on a weekly or monthly basis (losing 10 lbs per month for 10 months).

By creating smaller goals that work towards a larger goal, your brain naturally feels rewarded for each little accomplishment. ⁴ On top of this, it will become easier to understand what habits need to be formed to reach these smaller goals.

Not to mention, by accomplishing smaller (and eventually bigger) goals, you’ll likely find things you’re capable of that didn’t seem previously possible. By taking goals one step at a time, you end up creating a snowball effect for yourself.

5.) Take the Time to Self-Reflect

If you go about completing your goals, you’ll experience a new set of confidence. This is good and something you can celebrate.

However, it’s not something that should get out of hand. With a new-found confidence, our ego will naturally get in the way. Depending on the type of person you are, this can be of an issue.

The ego creates what psychologists refer to as “illusions.” ⁵ Some illusions are good. For example, if you imagine yourself writing that novel you’ve always dreamed of writing, you may manifest it into reality.

However, some illusions are dangerous. For example, if you start working out regularly and develop a physically attractive body, your ego may cause you to cheat on your spouse.

The human ego is far from perfect and needs delicate handling. As such, it’s important to take the time to self-reflect. Look in the mirror and remind yourself of who you are and were before the change occurred.

Beyond this, self-reflection can also be a tool to use when you feel unmotivated. Look in the mirror and remind yourself as to why you need to embrace change.

6.) Surround Yourself with Truthful Individuals

To grow, we must experience harsh truths. Without these, we will only continue to plague ourselves with false illusions.

That said, it’s vital to surround yourself with people who will be honest with you. Those who always say “yes” don’t allow you to grow. In fact, they only continue to perpetuate your false illusions within you.

People who sit you down and tell you you’re doing something wrong are your real friends. They’re the ones who take the time to notice where you go astray and have the courage to mention it to you even when you’re unaware of such trials.

While such feedback can be tough, it’s essential for personal growth. It’s another means of self-reflection that’s much more communal than that of looking in the mirror.

7.) Take Risks

If you seek change, you’ve likely become comfortable in a lifestyle that isn’t suiting you. While such comforts are initially a pleasure to embrace, they destroy us in the long run.

To grow, you must take a step out of your comfort zone. You must seek out new lifestyles that will initially appear risky. That may make you uncomfortable simply because they are unknown. ⁶

Such risks aren’t easy. However, without them, it’s impossible to change.

References

¹ Berridge KC. Wanting and Liking: Observations from the Neuroscience and Psychology Laboratory. Inquiry (Oslo). 2009 Aug 1;52(4):378. doi: 10.1080/00201740903087359. PMID: 20161627; PMCID: PMC2813042.

² Wood W, Mazar A, Neal DT. Habits and Goals in Human Behavior: Separate but Interacting Systems. Perspect Psychol Sci. 2022 Mar;17(2):590-605. doi: 10.1177/1745691621994226. Epub 2021 Jul 20. PMID: 34283681.

³ Kube T, Rief W, Glombiewski JA. On the Maintenance of Expectations in Major Depression – Investigating a Neglected Phenomenon. Front Psychol. 2017 Jan 18;8:9. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2017.00009. PMID: 28149287; PMCID: PMC5241292.

⁴ Bailey RR. Goal Setting and Action Planning for Health Behavior Change. Am J Lifestyle Med. 2017 Sep 13;13(6):615-618. doi: 10.1177/1559827617729634. PMID: 31662729; PMCID: PMC6796229.

⁵ Robins RW, Beer JS. Positive illusions about the self: short-term benefits and long-term costs. J Pers Soc Psychol. 2001 Feb;80(2):340-52. doi: 10.1037/0022-3514.80.2.340. PMID: 11220450.

⁶ Ferrer R, Klein WM. Risk perceptions and health behavior. Curr Opin Psychol. 2015 Oct 1;5:85-89. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2015.03.012. PMID: 26258160; PMCID: PMC4525709.