Indescribable loneliness is a deep emotional isolation that’s nearly impossible to put into words, often felt most intensely even when others are around. It goes beyond simply being alone. It’s a state of mind marked by feelings of emptiness, disconnection, and an inability to form meaningful bonds with others, regardless of your circumstances.

It’s become a serious public health concern. US Surgeon General Vivek Murthy issued an advisory on the issue, citing that nearly half of U.S. adults experience loneliness daily. Left unaddressed, it can contribute to anxiety, depression, heart disease, stroke, and dementia.

In this article, we’ll take a closer look at what drives this feeling, and what you can do about it.

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Key Highlights

• What indescribable loneliness really is – It’s not about being physically alone, but feeling deeply disconnected (even when you’re surrounded by people who care), creating a quiet gap between your experience and everyone else’s.

• What causes it and why it matters – Indescribable loneliness is driven by a mix of internal and external factors (from depression and low self-worth to life changes and social disconnection) and, left unchecked, it can seriously impact both mental and physical health.

• How to start overcoming it – Breaking out of loneliness isn’t about adding more people to your life, but creating real connection, through intentional action, meaningful relationships, and a willingness to re-engage with the world, one step at a time.

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Table of Contents

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I Was Surrounded by People, and Completely Alone

For two to three years, I battled chronic Lyme Disease. Along with it came depression, and a kind of loneliness I never expected and couldn’t explain.

I wasn’t alone. I was in a relationship, had close friends and family, a job, a support system, and people who cared about me. By every outward measure, I was surrounded. And yet, I had never felt more isolated in my life.

That’s the part that was so hard to make sense of. The loneliness didn’t come from an empty room. It came from the gap between my experience and everyone else’s. The people around me sympathized (genuinely), but they couldn’t truly know what I was going through. And every time I reached out for a real connection, I was met with kind words that still left me feeling invisible. The more time I spent around others, the lonelier I felt. Because their presence only reminded me of the distance.

I felt trapped in my own world, with no clear way out.

What changed wasn’t some dramatic turning point. It was a quiet realization: nobody was coming to save me. My recovery (from Lyme, from depression, from the loneliness) depended on me. So I started taking action, small steps toward participation. Toward showing up. And something shifted. As I began engaging in things others could relate to, the distance slowly started to close. People drew closer. The isolation began to lift.

I share this because if you’ve ever felt inexplicably alone (surrounded by people who love you but still utterly disconnected), I want you to know that feeling has a name. And you’re not as alone in it as you think.

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Loneliness Defined

Loneliness is a universal experience, yet it shows up differently for everyone. It doesn’t stem from a single cause, which is why there’s no one-size-fits-all way to prevent or address it.

Consider the difference between the loneliness many felt during the COVID-19 pandemic and the rejection a child feels when they struggle to make friends at school. Both are real. Both hurt. But they’re not the same.

At its core, loneliness is driven by factors like: ¹

• Depression
• Introversion
• Poor social skills
• Social isolation

And here’s the key thing to understand: loneliness isn’t about being alone. It’s about feeling alone. Research describes this as a fundamental sense of disconnection from others or the world. Among those who experience it, 65% report feeling fundamentally separate from others, even when they’re surrounded by people.

What’s the Difference Between Loneliness and Solitude?

These two states are often confused, but they’re very different experiences.

• Loneliness is involuntary. It’s the pain of feeling disconnected despite wanting connection, often accompanied by a sense of rejection or abandonment.

• Solitude is a choice. Being alone isn’t always a bad thing. There are times when people seek out solitude as a healthy escape from stress, and that balance between alone time and social interaction can actually benefit mental health. ²

Research supports this distinction: “being lonely” and “being alone” are fundamentally different experiences. For example, if you struggle with anxiety, intentional alone time can help you recharge and refocus (that’s solitude working in your favor).

What Causes Loneliness?

Indescribable loneliness rarely has a single cause. It can be triggered by major life events or build gradually over time. Common external triggers include: ³

• Death of a loved one
• Divorce
• Moving to a new location
• Physical isolation

But external circumstances only tell part of the story.

The Depression Connection

Loneliness and depression have a complicated, two-way relationship. Depression drives social withdrawal, which deepens isolation. But that isolation then worsens depression.

Research from JAMA Psychiatry found that the majority of lonely adults also reported struggling with anxiety or depression. ⁴ This makes it difficult to know where one ends and the other begins.

Internal Factors

Sometimes the cause of indescribable loneliness comes from within. Low self-esteem can quietly fuel disconnection. If you don’t feel worthy of other people’s attention, you may pull back before anyone has the chance to pull away first. Over time, that pattern can harden into chronic loneliness. ⁵

Research also shows that social isolation erodes self-confidence and the ability to form meaningful relationships. This creates a cycle that’s hard to break without intentional effort.

Personality and Social Tendencies

Your personality plays a role, too. Introverts tend to seek less social contact, which isn’t a problem on its own. But when the desire for connection goes unmet (even occasionally), it can open the door to that deep, hard-to-name feeling of isolation. ⁶

According to the same JAMA Psychiatry report, technology topped the list of factors people believe contribute to loneliness. This was followed by families not spending enough time together and people being too busy (or exhausted) to maintain a real connection.

The Health Risks of Loneliness

Loneliness isn’t just an emotional experience; it carries real physical consequences. The health risks include: ⁷

• Altered brain function
• Alzheimer’s disease progression
• Antisocial behavior
• Cardiovascular disease and stroke ⁸
• Cognitive decline
• Depression and suicidal tendencies
• Impaired judgment
• Increased stress levels
• Substance abuse

Loneliness also influences daily behavior in ways that quietly erode health over time. Lonely adults tend to exercise less and are more likely to have diets higher in fat, more daytime fatigue, and sleep problems. ⁹

Research found that the long-term consequences of loneliness include a:

• 29% increased risk of heart disease
• 32% increased risk of stroke
• 50% increased risk of dementia

At a cellular level, chronic loneliness may also disrupt the body’s ability to regulate key biological processes, contributing to premature aging over time. ¹⁰

Loneliness Research

The data on loneliness paints a clear picture of who’s most affected and what actually helps. People who experience less loneliness are more likely to: ¹¹

• Garner a college degree
• Get married
• Have higher incomes

On the flip side, higher rates of loneliness tend to correlate with:

• Living alone
• Low-quality social relationships
• Physical health problems
• Small social networks

Close Friendships Help Alleviate Loneliness

It’s not about how many friends you have; it’s about how close those friendships actually are. A two-year study from Colorado State University found that while 75% of Americans are satisfied with the number of friends they have, only 56% are happy with the time they spend with them, and 40% long for more closeness.

That gap between having friends and feeling genuinely connected is exactly what drives indescribable loneliness.

Experts consistently find that the quality of social interaction matters far more than quantity. Even a few deep, meaningful friendships can reduce the negative health risks associated with loneliness. Research suggests those connections are strongest when made through face-to-face contact. ¹²

Loneliness Can Spread from Person to Person

Loneliness can also be contagious. A study found that non-lonely individuals who spend time with lonely people are more likely to develop feelings of loneliness themselves, making it not just a personal experience, but a social one.

How to Prevent and Overcome Loneliness

Overcoming indescribable loneliness takes conscious effort, but it’s possible. Here are practical steps you can take:

• Engage in community service or an activity you enjoy. These settings offer natural opportunities to meet people and build genuine connections. ¹³

• Maintain a positive outlook. Lonely individuals often anticipate rejection before it happens. Try to approach social interactions with openness rather than guardedness.

• Prioritize quality relationships. Seek out people who share your values, attitudes, and interests. A few meaningful connections matter more than a large social circle.

• Recognize loneliness as a signal. It’s your mind and body telling you something needs to change. Things won’t shift overnight, but awareness is the first step.

• Understand the impact on your health. Loneliness has real physical and mental consequences. If you notice symptoms, don’t ignore them; address them early.

• Join or start a group. Take a class, join a book club, attend an exercise class, or start a Meetup group around something you’re passionate about.

• Strengthen existing relationships. Don’t overlook the people already in your life. Reconnecting with a friend or family member you’ve lost touch with can be just as powerful as forming new bonds. ¹⁴

• Talk to someone you trust. Reach out to a family member, friend, doctor, or therapist. Online therapy is also a flexible option that lets you connect with a professional on your own schedule. ¹⁵

Final Word

Indescribable loneliness makes you feel disconnected and isolated, even when the people around you care deeply. Left unaddressed, it can affect your physical health, mental well-being, and self-esteem in ways that compound over time.

But it can be overcome. If you recognize the signs in yourself, don’t wait. Reach out to someone you trust or connect with a mental health professional. Taking that first step is how the isolation starts to lift.

Frequently Asked Questions

References

¹ Cacioppo JT, Cacioppo S. The growing problem of loneliness. Lancet. 2018 Feb 3;391(10119):426. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736(18)30142-9. PMID: 29407030; PMCID: PMC6530780.

² Rodriguez M, Pratt S, Bellet BW, McNally RJ. Solitude can be good-If you see it as such: Reappraisal helps lonely people experience solitude more positively. J Pers. 2023 Sep 19. doi: 10.1111/jopy.12887. Epub ahead of print. PMID: 37724779.

³ Barjaková M, Garnero A, d’Hombres B. Risk factors for loneliness: A literature review. Soc Sci Med. 2023 Oct;334:116163. doi: 10.1016/j.socscimed.2023.116163. Epub 2023 Aug 9. PMID: 37625251; PMCID: PMC10523154.

⁴ Jeste DV, Lee EE, Cacioppo S. Battling the Modern Behavioral Epidemic of Loneliness: Suggestions for Research and Interventions. JAMA Psychiatry. 2020 Jun 1;77(6):553-554. doi: 10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2020.0027. Erratum in: JAMA Psychiatry. 2024 Aug 1;81(8):846. doi: 10.1001/jamapsychiatry.2024.1844. PMID: 32129811; PMCID: PMC7483387.

⁵ Moksnes UK, Bjørnsen HN, Ringdal R, Eilertsen MB, Espnes GA. Association between loneliness, self-esteem and outcome of life satisfaction in Norwegian adolescents aged 15-21. Scand J Public Health. 2022 Dec;50(8):1089-1096. doi: 10.1177/14034948221081287. Epub 2022 Mar 31. PMID: 35360987; PMCID: PMC9720460.

⁶ Tuovinen S, Tang X, Salmela-Aro K. Introversion and Social Engagement: Scale Validation, Their Interaction, and Positive Association With Self-Esteem. Front Psychol. 2020 Nov 30;11:590748. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2020.590748. PMID: 33329251; PMCID: PMC7734327.

⁷ Hämmig O. Health risks associated with social isolation in general and in young, middle and old age. PLoS One. 2019 Jul 18;14(7):e0219663. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0219663. Erratum in: PLoS One. 2019 Aug 29;14(8):e0222124. PMID: 31318898; PMCID: PMC6638933.

⁸ Xia N, Li H. Loneliness, Social Isolation, and Cardiovascular Health. Antioxid Redox Signal. 2018 Mar 20;28(9):837-851. doi: 10.1089/ars.2017.7312. Epub 2017 Oct 23. PMID: 28903579; PMCID: PMC5831910.

⁹ Schrempft S, Jackowska M, Hamer M, Steptoe A. Associations between social isolation, loneliness, and objective physical activity in older men and women. BMC Public Health. 2019 Jan 16;19(1):74. doi: 10.1186/s12889-019-6424-y. PMID: 30651092; PMCID: PMC6335852.

¹⁰ Finley AJ, Schaefer SM. Affective Neuroscience of Loneliness: Potential Mechanisms underlying the Association between Perceived Social Isolation, Health, and Well-Being. J Psychiatr Brain Sci. 2022;7(6):e220011. doi: 10.20900/jpbs.20220011. Epub 2022 Dec 26. PMID: 36778655; PMCID: PMC9910279.

¹¹ Shovestul B, Han J, Germine L, Dodell-Feder D. Risk factors for loneliness: The high relative importance of age versus other factors. PLoS One. 2020 Feb 11;15(2):e0229087. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0229087. PMID: 32045467; PMCID: PMC7012443.

¹² Holt-Lunstad J. Social connection as a critical factor for mental and physical health: evidence, trends, challenges, and future implications. World Psychiatry. 2024 Oct;23(3):312-332. doi: 10.1002/wps.21224. PMID: 39279411; PMCID: PMC11403199.

¹³ Noone C, Yang K. Community-based responses to loneliness in older people: A systematic review of qualitative studies. Health Soc Care Community. 2022 Jul;30(4):e859-e873. doi: 10.1111/hsc.13682. Epub 2021 Dec 13. PMID: 34897862.

¹⁴ Tough H, Brinkhof MWG, Siegrist J, Fekete C. The impact of loneliness and relationship quality on life satisfaction: A longitudinal dyadic analysis in persons with physical disabilities and their partners. J Psychosom Res. 2018 Jul;110:61-67. doi: 10.1016/j.jpsychores.2018.04.009. Epub 2018 Apr 26. PMID: 29764607.

¹⁵ Zarling A, Kim J, Russell D, Cutrona C. Online acceptance and commitment therapy as treatment for loneliness among older adults: Report of a pilot study. J Am Geriatr Soc. 2023 Aug;71(8):2557-2563. doi: 10.1111/jgs.18345. Epub 2023 Mar 27. PMID: 36970989.