Overcoming loneliness in relationships isn’t easy. It’s usually sparked by a couple drifting apart or one partner pulling away. Naturally, you can experience strong emotions that make it difficult to communicate your desire for a reconnection. However, there are steps couples can take to reignite their bond.
Loneliness is Now an Epidemic
Recent research confirms loneliness is a public health problem, leading to a 26% increase in premature mortality and the following symptoms: ¹
- Depression
- Irritability
- Self-centeredness
A recent Harvard study discovered that 36% of American experience profound loneliness, with 61% of young adults and 51% of mothers with young children struggling the most.
Therefore, feeling alone in a relationship is more common than you might imagine. Sometimes it’s one partner, sometimes it’s both. Luckily, there are solutions to this problem.
Why Do You Feel Isolated in a Relationship?
When someone is in a relationship and feeling lonely, there are usually two reasons:
- Your partner has pulled back and you’re feeling the distance.
- Both you and your partner have drifted apart and aren’t as close as you used to be.
Most of the time, distance is caused by situational pressures (i.e. children, longer working hours, etc.). Furthermore, couples may be prone to relationship stress and naturally distance themselves from one another.
Any of these factors make you too fatigued to reconnect your intimacy. More so, dynamics between couples also might shift and make it difficult to “spark” a previously held connection.
The difficulty with loneliness is it can prevent you from sharing vulnerabilities, fears, and worries with your partner. These unmet emotions will only compound into further isolation.
However, your loneliness may not come directly from your partner. You may have a void within yourself that you expect your partner to fill. For example, some people seek a higher purpose through their relationship, but this is something we can only fulfill within ourselves.
Signs of Loneliness in a Relationship
You may experience the following signs if you feel loneliness in marriage or a relationship:
- Eager to share stories of your everyday life with your partner
- Feeling lonely even when you’re in physical proximity to your partner
- Noticing a lack of communication
- Stopped having sex with your partner
- Seeking to avoid your partner (and telling others you think things aren’t working)
Loneliness Risk Factors
While you may brush off loneliness, the Cleveland Clinic actually considers it a chronic health condition. Why? Because loneliness can lead to several problems within a relationship, including:
- Anxiety
- Domestic abuse
- Depression
- Substance abuse
Furthermore, loneliness can lead to several physical health problems, including: ²
- High blood pressure
- Increased risk of heart disease
- Inflammation
- Obesity
- Poor sleep quality
- Stroke
- Weakened immune system
Overcoming Loneliness in Relationships
If you want to strengthen bonds and overcome loneliness in your relationship, here are some ways to work through your emotions:
Communicate with Your Significant Other
It’s important to avoid the “Blame Game” if you want to share your feelings with your partner. This can be a natural defense mechanism for us, resulting in wording such as “I feel so alone because you don’t enough of x.”
However, blaming your partner will only push them further away. Instead, you want to share that you feel lonely and suggest you both need to make changes. Though, there are occurrences where you may need to address certain issues for yourself.
Do Something Special for Your Significant Other
One way to make changes is to do something special for your partner. This can be as simple as a thoughtful gift or action (i.e. carrying out a chore your partner is normally responsible for). Or, it can be a bonding experience, such as doing an activity together that you’re both interested in.
Show Affection
When we show physical affection to love ones, both parties receive a dose of oxytocin (also known as the “love hormone”). If oxytocin is released between two people, it can create a sense of closeness and lead to deeper connections and trust. ³
Take Time to Nurture Other Relationships
When you’re with a significant other, it’s easy to forget about other relationships. Ensure you take the time to call your best friend or spend time with your parents. These other relationships will remind you that you are loved and help decrease sensations of loneliness.
Limit Your Time on Social Media
If you use a lot of social media, you may feel more isolated. In fact, a 2018 study found heavy social media users are twice as likely to experience perceived social isolation (PSI). ⁴ In short, PSI is when you feel a lack of social resources within your social network, leading to loneliness symptoms.
How does this translate into your relationship? You may see people posting pictures that appear to be healthy relationships and feel jealous or as though your relationship is lacking. However, you’re dealing with superficial images that don’t paint and image of real life.
Incorporate Couple’s Therapy
If you and your partner struggle to communicate, it can help to involve a couple’s therapist. This person will provide you with the skills you need to develop a stronger connection with your significant other.
Final Word
Overcoming loneliness in relationships isn’t easy. However, if both partners are willing to put in the effort, it is possible to reignite a connection.
If you’re in this position, we recommend trying to have a genuine talk with your significant other. From there, you’ll want to participate in activities together or enroll in couple’s therapy to rebuild the bridge of your relationship.
Overcoming Loneliness in Relationships FAQs
How do I stop feeling lonely in my relationship?
You need to effectively communicate to your partner that you feel lonely and then take the steps towards building a stronger connection. Naturally, this requires effort from both parties. Therefore, if one party does not want to put in the effort, you may need to step away from the relationship.
Why do I feel lonely but I’m in a relationship?
Most people feel lonely in a relationship when their significant other pulls back or both individuals drift apart. This can happen naturally over time, but there are steps to take to reclaim a strong connection.
How to beat loneliness when you are single?
If you’re single, the first step you want to take is reframe your mindset. Loneliness is contagious and may push people away from you. However, if you develop a mindset that enjoys your own company, you may draw people towards you.
From there, it’s important to participate in social activities. These can be hobbies you’re interested in (i.e. hiking), volunteering, or personal goals (i.e. your career).
Why is loneliness so painful?
You feel pain from loneliness because it increases stress and this can lead to physical and mental health issues.
Why is my marriage making me depressed?
If you and your spouse have drifted apart, you may experience loneliness which can lead to symptoms of depresion.
References
¹ Cacioppo JT, Cacioppo S. The growing problem of loneliness. Lancet. 2018 Feb 3;391(10119):426. doi: 10.1016/S0140-6736(18)30142-9. PMID: 29407030; PMCID: PMC6530780.
² Gasull-Molinera V, Khan KS, Núñez Núñez M, Kouiti M. The impact of loneliness on mental and physical health outcomes: An umbrella review. Semergen. 2024 Sep;50(6):102261. doi: 10.1016/j.semerg.2024.102261. Epub 2024 Jun 1. PMID: 38824784.
³ Schneider E, Hopf D, Aguilar-Raab C, Scheele D, Neubauer AB, Sailer U, Hurlemann R, Eckstein M, Ditzen B. Affectionate touch and diurnal oxytocin levels: An ecological momentary assessment study. Elife. 2023 May 30;12:e81241. doi: 10.7554/eLife.81241. PMID: 37252874; PMCID: PMC10229112.
⁴ Primack BA, Shensa A, Sidani JE, Whaite EO, Lin LY, Rosen D, Colditz JB, Radovic A, Miller E. Social Media Use and Perceived Social Isolation Among Young Adults in the U.S. Am J Prev Med. 2017 Jul;53(1):1-8. doi: 10.1016/j.amepre.2017.01.010. Epub 2017 Mar 6. PMID: 28279545; PMCID: PMC5722463.
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