Men and relationship stress is a tricky subject for one simple reason: not all men react to stress the same. Some may struggle with an anxiety disorder and have a fearful response. Others may grow irritable and lash out in an angry outburst.
The key to men and relationship stress is communication. By effectively communicating your emotions, you and your partner can work together to build a stronger foundation for your relationship.
What is Relationship Stress?
Relationship stress is a pressure or strain that arises between a couple. It can present itself as the following: ¹
- Disagreements
- Doubting your partner’s emotions or intentions
- Miscommunication
- Overanalyzing interactions
- Outside influences
- Unmet Expectations
Sometimes, only one party is susceptible to relationship stress. However, there are plenty of times where both parties experience the weight of this pressure.
In these situations, one party is usually responsible for taking the emotional lead. Still, both parties always need to work together to resolve relationship stress.
How Does Stress Affect a Relationship?
Sometimes, stress isn’t directly correlated with our relationship. Instead, stress can appear from an outside influence and is then directed towards our significant other.
How so? When a man experiences stress, it’s natural for him to become distracted, withdrawn, and less affectionate. Many times, men will resort to isolation from social groups and their own partners. ²
Not to mention, stress can bring out the worst in people. It can reduce cognitive functions, making a person hyper-vigilant and oversensitive. Therefore, it’s common for to fight over situations that wouldn’t normally be an issue.
Gender Differences in Stress Management
Men and women have different stress reactions and it has a lot to do with stress hormones. Upon a stressful moment, the body releases the hormones cortisol and epinephrine. Both of these raise blood pressure and circulate blood sugar levels. ³
To counteract cortisol and epinephrine, oxytocin is released to relax emotions. ⁴ However, men release less oxytocin than woman when they experience stress. In other words, men have a stronger reaction to cortisol and epinephrine. ⁵
So, what does this look like? While every situation has its variables, there are some common differences between the genders.
Women may handle stress by nurturing those around them, namely as a defense mechanism. However, if stress is directly tied to the relationship (i.e. feeling inadequate), she may respond in a manner to boost her self-esteem (i.e. putting down her partner).
On the other hand, men will enter a “fight or flight” response when stressed. This is usually to repress emotions and take control of the situation.
If the stress is directly tied to the relationship, a man may feel the need to assist their partner. Most of the time, this is to ensure they have a value within the relationship.
Due to these gender differences, many couples struggle with miscommunication. Naturally, this leads to neither party developing a true understanding of their partner’s experience.
How to Recognize Relationship Stress
Sometimes, relationship stress takes the back burner to work-life demands. In many situations, this is understandable – life is not easy and there’s no blueprint to guide us towards stress-free living.
However, work-life stresses may prevent you from seeing the pressure your partner is trying to communicate. As such, it’s required you take the time to make extra effort in recognize your partner’s stress levels.
So, how can you do this? While open communication is the most efficient route, some people struggle to communicate. In such circumstances, you want to pay attention to your partner’s sleeping habits, eating habits, mood, energy levels, and disposition.
Another gender difference, you’re more likely to see physical symptoms in woman and stress. This makes it easier to pick up on for men in a relationship. However, a stressed man may be more difficult to read.
You want to stay in tune with your partner – communicate your concerns, express your support, and help them if they’re going through a demanding period. This is the best way to deal with stress and relationships to benefit both of you.
When to Walk Away From a Relationship
While some relationship stress is normal, there comes a point where enough is enough. So, what does “normal” relationship stress look like? In simple terms, it’s occasional misunderstandings.
These are bound to happen in relationship. If you’ve developed healthy communication with your partner, a minor mismatch can be answered with simple conversation and follow-through. In fact, this can be seen as healthy conflict as it allows you and your partner to get to know one another on a more intimate level.
However, if you notice misunderstandings are frequent and often met without resolution, you may have to make the hard decision to walk away. This shows that either you or your partner isn’t willing to take the steps necessary to continue developing a healthy relationship. In most relationship stress becomes habitual – a never-ending cycle.
Other red flag relationship stress includes:
- Circumstances – What causes your relationship stress? Your partner forgetting to do the laundry is much less concerning than infidelity.
- Emotional “Flavor” of Your Relationship – Consider your consistent emotions with your partner? Are you consistently angry, fearful, or sad? If so, this could be a reason to walk away.
- Relationship Age – If stress occurs within the first few months of a relationship, this is a significant red flag.
Relationship Stress Health Effects
It’s important to walk away from unhealthy relationships because the stress has an affect on our over health.
First, it can lead to several mental health problems that shouldn’t be experienced in any relationship. These include the following:
- Anxiety when you’re with your partner
- Feeling depressed or withdrawn
- Inability to control your emotions
- Over analysis of interactions with your partner
- Sleeping difficulties
Furthermore, these mental health issues can lead to physical health concerns that may also affect your relationship. For example, it’s common for men to have anxiety and ED (erectile dysfunction) simultaneously. ⁶
Other physical health issues you may experience include the following:
- High blood pressure
- Increased risk of heart disease
- Skin problems
- Stomach issues
- Weaker immune system
Before you make any decisions about your relationship, you need to ask yourself, “How is my relationship stress affecting me?” If you experience mental and physical health problems that you did not experience prior to the relationship, it may be in your interest to leave.
How to Reduce Relationship Stress
When it comes to stress and relationships, the connection you develop with your partner is key. You need to ensure you’re both on the same emotional page and have the willingness to work through any misunderstandings.
So, how can you do this? Here are the best ways to practice constructiveness when you come across relationship stress:
Support Your Partner
If your partner experiences stress, do not ignore them. Give them a space where they feel secure in talking to you about their problems and work with them to resolve these issues.
Offer Help
Naturally, you may not be able to help with every circumstance. However, there may be times when you can put effort towards the source of your partner’s stress.
For example, a partner may become stress when you haven’t taken the time to communicate. If you recognize this flaw, you can put in the communication efforts they need.
Improve Your Communication
Which brings us to our next point – it’s always in your interest to attempt to talk things out. Words are powerful and give you the ability to understand your partner’s emotional state.
Do not make the mistake of thinking you can understand your partner’s emotions. Take the time to learn how they process emotions and what you can do to provide a solution.
Don’t Just Listen to Their Words
While your partner’s vocabulary is an effective way to understand what’s going on in their heads, there are other things to pick up on. Look at their body language, pick up verbal cues, and use these to your partner’s benefit.
Be Careful with Your Words
When you feel emotional, it’s natural to say things that can worsen your relationship. For example, when you’re angry, you may make an accusation, exaggeration, or false compliment. You need to be careful with what you say and how you say it.
Learn to Manage Your Own Stress
The only way you can help a partner is by managing your own stress. Naturally, this may take time. However, there are plenty of ways to take control of your emotions, depending on what you struggle with. For example, if you have anxiety, there are grounding techniques to ease adrenaline.
Final Word
As you can see, there’s a lot to the topic of men and relationship stress. Unfortunately, there’s no “one size fits all” approach for couples.
You and your partner will need to practice healthy communication. From there, you’ll need to work together to find the solutions that work for you.
Men and Relationship Stress FAQs
How does stress affect a man in a relationship?
Stress can have several effects on men, including withdraw, irritability, lack of communication, becoming more prone to anger, neglecting his partner’s needs, emotionally distancing himself.
Why do men pull away when they are stressed?
Some men withdraw to avoid overwhelming situations. This is directly correlated with the “fight or flight” response, when stress hormones are triggered. However, some men may also pull away when they feel the stress isn’t worth the relationship.
What to do when a man pulls away?
When a man pulls away, the best thing you can do is give him space and focus on your own life. If you want, you can try open communication with him. However, this will not work for all men and, in some circumstances, you may just need to respect his distance.
Can a man be too stressed for a relationship?
Yes, men can become “too stressed” for a relationship. If a man’s life is already overwhelming, he may find a relationship only presents more complications. This is especially true if the relationship is only further overwhelming him.
How do men act when they are stressed?
Not all men act the same under stress. Your partner may become irritable, withdrawn, more impatient, aggressive, experience physical symptoms (i.e. headaches), or resort to unhealthy coping mechanisms (i.e. alcohol).
Do men release love hormone when stressed?
Yes, men release oxytocin (or, the “love hormone”) when stressed, but they do so at lower rates than women.
How does stress affect a man sexually?
Stress can decrease a man’s libido and make it difficult for him to achieve (or maintain) an erection, lead to premature ejaculation, and reduce his desire for sex.
References
¹ Lau KKH, Randall AK, Duran ND, Tao C. Examining the Effects of Couples’ Real-Time Stress and Coping Processes on Interaction Quality: Language Use as a Mediator. Front Psychol. 2019 Jan 15;9:2598. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2018.02598. PMID: 30697175; PMCID: PMC6340998.
² Simpson JA, Steven Rholes W. Adult Attachment, Stress, and Romantic Relationships. Curr Opin Psychol. 2017 Feb;13:19-24. doi: 10.1016/j.copsyc.2016.04.006. PMID: 27135049; PMCID: PMC4845754.
³ Wurtman RJ. Stress and the adrenocortical control of epinephrine synthesis. Metabolism. 2002 Jun;51(6 Suppl 1):11-4. doi: 10.1053/meta.2002.33185. PMID: 12040535.
⁴ Li Y, Hassett AL, Seng JS. Exploring the mutual regulation between oxytocin and cortisol as a marker of resilience. Arch Psychiatr Nurs. 2019 Apr;33(2):164-173. doi: 10.1016/j.apnu.2018.11.008. Epub 2018 Nov 20. PMID: 30927986; PMCID: PMC6442937.
⁵ Love TM. The impact of oxytocin on stress: the role of sex. Curr Opin Behav Sci. 2018 Oct;23:136-142. doi: 10.1016/j.cobeha.2018.06.018. Epub 2018 Jul 13. PMID: 31745496; PMCID: PMC6863168.
⁶ Velurajah R, Brunckhorst O, Waqar M, McMullen I, Ahmed K. Erectile dysfunction in patients with anxiety disorders: a systematic review. Int J Impot Res. 2022 Mar;34(2):177-186. doi: 10.1038/s41443-020-00405-4. Epub 2021 Feb 18. PMID: 33603242; PMCID: PMC8964411.
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