For a healthy connection to prosper, you need emotional intelligence in relationships. Still, not everyone is going to observe the signs of emotional intelligence in a partner.

The truth is emotional intelligence doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Some people need to incorporate EQ exercises to truly flex this mental muscle. And when it comes to emotional intelligence for men, it can take a lot of time and practice before they realize how to properly present it in a relationship.

So, where do you begin? Throughout this article, we’ll take a deeper look at emotional intelligence in relationships and how you can practice it with your partner.

How Does Emotional Intelligence Impact Relationships?

Emotional intelligence is the secret sauce to a lasting intimate relationship. Why? It makes you keen to the changes (whether large or small) that occur within yourself and others.

One of the benefits of emotional intelligence in love is the fact that you’ll have a sensitivity we guarantee your partner craves. In other words, you’ll be able to automatically sense (through self-awareness and empathy) the shifting dynamics in your romance that require action. ¹

All of us have the ability to obtain the love we dream of—one filled with deep intimacy, real commitment, and soulful care. However, in order to get there, you and your partner need to work on building empathy and emotional intelligence.

Naturally, it can be confusing to know where to start. That’s why we laid out some strategies below.

How Can You Build Emotional Intelligence in Relationships?

Many of us have experienced the fall out of a long-term relationship. Whether that be through conflicting needs and desires or overall boredom, it’s common for two people to part ways to seek their spark elsewhere.

However, we don’t need to go through these experience. If you and your partner build the components of emotional intelligence, you’ll find a natural increase in relationship satisfaction. So, what does that look like?

• Acceptance to fully experience emotions that could harm a relationship if left unaddressed.
• Astute emotional awareness to differentiate between infatuation, lust, and lasting love.
• Vigilant active awareness to recognize what’s working in a relationship and what isn’t.

You may read that list and wonder if you need to exercise emotional intelligence before you experience love. While it’s certainly helpful, it’s not necessary. In fact, many people find falling in love to be a motivation to develop emotional intelligence.

If you’re not sure how to develop emotional intelligence, we recommend the following:

Allow You Relationship to Continue to Change

Life is in constant fluctuation and this often scares people. However, if you can accept your fear of change and move past it, you’ll often find that things aren’t always worse on the other side.

A relationship is an organism and just like everything else in nature, it goes through changes. In fact, a relationship that doesn’t evolve also doesn’t allow the opportunity for growth.

So, how can you embrace change within your relationship? It helps to ask yourself the following questions:

• Does your partner need something different or new from you?
• Are external factors requiring readjustments in your individual roles?
• Should you schedule time together to reassess your relationship?
• Are you as content in the relationship as you once were?

If you don’t develop emotional intelligence and communication skills, these questions can be intimidating. As such, it’s common for lovers to avoid answering them and have an eventual falling out.

Make Challenges an Opportunity, Not a Problem

By embracing change, you’ll develop natural courage and optimism. This will allow you to view relationship challenges as opportunities rather than problems.

Such dilemmas will require you and your partner to get creative. Instead of blaming one another for your emotions, you’ll have a desire to find solutions.

Furthermore, you’ll have more control over your negative emotions. This will prevent you from acting on impulse and creating more challenges in the process. ²

Emotional intelligence and conflict resolution go hand-in-hand. The higher your EQ, the more resources you’ll have to solve problems. You and your partner will have a deeper understanding of how to resolve disagreements, how to find one another, and how to grow closer through challenges.

Respect Your Partner’s Feelings

Sometimes, you may find yourself upset by the way your partner expresses their emotions. It’s natural to experience anger, disappointment, hurt, or jealousy in a relationship. Therefore, you need to accept all of these emotions as they how.

While you cannot control the emotions of your partner, you can control your own emotional reaction. Many relationships fall out when partners blame each other or impose sensations of shame onto the other.

In most cases, these negative emotions come from feelings of fear, anger, and anxiety. If you’re practicing emotional intelligence exercises, you’ll understand how to process these emotions and work through them with your significant other.

Enjoy Laughter

When it comes to improving emotional intelligence for couples, the importance of laughter is often ignored. If you can’t laugh with your partner about each other, how can you accept your relationship as a whole?

Laughter is a natural way to recognize your unique flaws and inevitable misunderstandings. It’s also a way to feel excited for the surprises that come about as a relationship progresses. ³

With a high EQ, you can continue to improve on your relationship while having a laugh here and there. This will ensure you never get trapped by expectations of perfection and can recognize both of you will always continue to make mistakes.

Understand How You Feel When Your Partner Isn’t Around

If you’re unsure how your relationship is going, it can help to evaluate how the rest of your life is playing out. Take the time to ask yourself the following questions, preferably when your partner isn’t around:

• Do you often feel restless or irritable without a clear reason?
• Do you struggle to stay energized at work or school after spending a night enjoying time with your partner?
• Do you find yourself resenting family and friends, even though you and your partner spend most of your free time together?

When it comes to building trust through emotional intelligence, it’s important to enjoy your life outside of the relationship. More so, it’s vital you don’t let these other elements of your life slip away for the sake of your relationship.

When you relationship takes a priority over other elements of your life and mental health, something is wrong. In such cases, it’s essential to sit down and have a discussion with your partner. More so, it’s key to use your emotional intelligence to know when to spend time apart and how to manage that time (and your emotions within it) effectively.

Know Your Partner’s Love Language

If you understand your partner’s “love language,” it can be easier to communicate with them. According to Dr. Gary Chapman, the five love languages are: ⁴

• Words of Affirmation – Expressing love and appreciation through verbal compliments, kind words, and frequent encouragement.

• Acts of Service – Demonstrating love by performing helpful actions, such as running errands, cooking a meal, or taking on tasks to make your partner’s life easier.

• Receiving Gifts – Showing love through thoughtful gifts that reflect your partner’s interests, values, or special moments.

• Quality Time – Spending undistracted, meaningful time together to strengthen the emotional connection and enjoy shared experiences.

• Physical Touch – Conveying love through physical affection, such as hugging, holding hands, or cuddling, to foster intimacy and closeness.

How Can You Be a Better Partner in a Romantic Relationship

When it comes to emotional intelligence in romantic relationships, you’ll want to consider the following tips:

• Let well-being guide your choices. A relationship has potential if it leaves you feeling energized, mentally clear, and more loving overall.

• Express your feelings openly. Share your emotions honestly, as they reflect your true self. Pretending to be someone you’re not prevents authentic love from flourishing.

• Listen with emotional awareness. Tune in to your partner’s feelings as you absorb their words. Ensure to prioritize understanding over judgment.

• Offer love and support in ways that resonate. Everyone has unique preferences for affection and comfort. Use empathy to provide what your partner truly needs.

• Ask when unsure. Love doesn’t make you a mind reader. If you’re uncertain about something, ask your partner how they feel.

• Commit to nurturing the relationship. True love isn’t a finish line; it’s a journey. Relationships require attention and care to grow and thrive.

• Stay curious and learn from your partner. Avoid relying on past assumptions by maintaining active awareness of who your partner is.

• Be mindful of emotional baggage. Past hurts can resurface and harm current relationships. Stay aware of emotional triggers to minimize their impact.

• Own your mistakes. Mistakes are inevitable, but they’re also opportunities for growth—if you acknowledge them without placing blame.

• Embrace change as a chance to grow together. While change can be stressful, it also presents opportunities to renew and strengthen your bond.

How to Deal with a Partner Who is Not Emotionally Intelligent

Naturally, not everyone will know the importance of emotional intelligence in relationships. However, if it isn’t clear at this point, emotional intelligence and healthy relationships go hand-in-hand. So, what can you do if your partner is NOT emotionally intelligent?

• Clarify your feelings and message. Before speaking, think about both the emotions and the words you want to convey. If you’re unclear about your needs or reasons, your message might come across as confusing.

• Choose the right time. Talk when neither of you is rushed or stressed. Consider taking a walk, going out for brunch, or having dinner together—but limit alcohol if you want the conversation to be productive and memorable.

• Use “I feel” statements. Share your feelings and needs without placing blame. For instance: “I feel like being more intimate, but I struggle with certain smells. Would you mind brushing your teeth before bed?”

• Acknowledge your partner’s reactions. If they respond defensively, reflect their concerns to show understanding. For example: “You’re worried that if I take this job, you and the kids might feel neglected.”

• Reiterate your feelings and listen. Restate your “I feel” messages, listen to their response, and continue the dialgoue until you feel truly heard.

Final Word

For a healthy connection with your partner, you need emotional intelligence in relationships. Of course, this doesn’t come naturally to everyone. Some people may find they need to practice emotional intelligence before properly developing it. That’s okay!

If you struggle to develop your emotional intelligence, it can help to enroll in therapy. Through a mental health professional, you’ll learn how to properly identify and process your emotions.

Emotional Intelligence in Relationships FAQs

References

¹ Nasiri Zarch Z, Marashi SM, Raji H. The Relationship between Emotional Intelligence and Marital Satisfaction: 10-Year Outcome of Partners from Three Different Economic Levels. Iran J Psychiatry. 2014 Oct;9(4):188-96. PMID: 25792986; PMCID: PMC4361820.

² Eben C, Billieux J, Verbruggen F. Clarifying the Role of Negative Emotions in the Origin and Control of Impulsive Actions. Psychol Belg. 2020 Jan 2;60(1):1-17. doi: 10.5334/pb.502. PMID: 31915527; PMCID: PMC6941237.

³ Yim J. Therapeutic Benefits of Laughter in Mental Health: A Theoretical Review. Tohoku J Exp Med. 2016 Jul;239(3):243-9. doi: 10.1620/tjem.239.243. PMID: 27439375.

⁴ Mostova O, Stolarski M, Matthews G. I love the way you love me: Responding to partner’s love language preferences boosts satisfaction in romantic heterosexual couples. PLoS One. 2022 Jun 22;17(6):e0269429. doi: 10.1371/journal.pone.0269429. PMID: 35731784; PMCID: PMC9216579.