People who struggle with borderline personality disorder (BPD) often face day-to-day hurdles that are unique to their mental condition. While many of these hurdles are obvious when it comes to diagnosis, such as intense emotional mood swings or dissociation, others aren’t so obvious.
People with BPD often have a number of “inconsiderate traits” when it comes to various social interactions. These traits are often uncontrollable and may be viewed as impolite by an outside party.
The purpose of this article is to explore these traits. To understand them and to help those struggling become aware of their personality that makes them different from others.
Furthermore, we hope to give those outside parties a chance to comprehend someone they may care about a bit later.
The following are 8 unique personality traits of people with BPD that may be viewed as inconsiderate or impolite. At the end, we invite you to ask further questions.
8.) Interrupting Others
People with BPD often struggle with something that can be described as an “overexcited brain.” This is when the brain is experiencing so much energy, much of the actions it institutes in the real-world aren’t completely processed.
Take speaking as a prime example. More often than not, a person with BPD has the tendency to interrupt others during a conversation.
This isn’t something they do out of spite or ill-feelings. Rather, it’s something they find difficult to control and can’t help. Due to the over-excited brain mentioned above.
7.) Oversharing and Undersharing
Continuing with the excited brain, one thing some people with BPD may find themselves doing is oversharing personal aspects of themselves. Even to complete strangers.
From personal accounts, we have heard of people discussing sex stories (including rape scenarios), family drama, other personal information with others they’ve had little to no prior contact with.
On the flip side of this issue is under sharing. Ironically, people with BPD often feel comfortable oversharing with strangers, yet, feel they need to hide themselves from people they’re closest to.
Of course, this isn’t always the case. But under sharing comes with consequences that aren’t often realized in moments of interaction. These include getting angry over little triggers, disassociating with people, and becoming easily exhausted during a conversation.
6.) Avoiding Social Activities
People with BPD often feel more comfortable in their alone time. Though there’s nothing wrong with this, complete isolation from others is dangerous both to physical and mental health.
Many of discussed with us of personal stories where they cancel plans purposely as they’re afraid to go into the real world. The interesting aspect of this is the fact that more often than not, arrangements are made only to be avoided.
This fact alone shows that people with BPD want to socialize like everyone else. But often don’t realize the true difficulty they have with it until moments before the actual engagement.
Sometimes, though, a cancel of plans goes beyond simply wanting to avoid people. Those who struggle with BPD often experience bursts of both energy and fatigue. So, when plans are made a person may be feeling high amounts of energy and confidence. Yet, when it’s time for the engagement, that same person may feel sluggish and unmotivated.
If you know someone with BPD and they often cancel on you, try to understand that’s their mental condition talking rather than themselves. Furthermore, if you can find it within you to work plans around that person, you may just be helping them break some symptoms of BPD.
5.) Brutal Honesty
People with BPD can often be brutally honest – to the point where it comes off as blunt or rude.
Though there’s nothing wrong with this personality trait – in fact, some may favor being around people as such – some may find this to be a bit disheartening.
For example, let’s say someone with BPD is invited to dinner at someone’s house. Now let’s say the host has prepared a dish that is – in full honesty – just awful. A person with BPD may not hold back and fully admit to how bad the food is. Or, some individuals may find they have to hide their disgust as they don’t want to make an awkward scene.
However, as mentioned before, this personality trait can have positives. For example, if you have BPD and your best friend is in a toxic relationship, you may be the only one to brutally show them how bad their relationship really is. And such honesty may just be what they need in order to end ties and move on towards a better life.
This personality trait can go both ways and that’s truly the difficulty with it. If you know someone with BPD and they’re always telling you things straightforward, it’s important to try not to take it the wrong way.
Though brutal honesty can be rude at times, it can also be seen as constructive criticism.
4.) Cutting Ties
One aspect of people with BPD is they’re often conflicted when it comes to personal relationships. These can include friends, family, and even significant others.
More often than not, by cutting ties with various individuals in their lives, people with BPD are hoping to avoid a negative consequence towards themselves. No matter how big or small.
And this cutting ties can appear in a number of different ways. For one, a person with BPD may simply start ignoring someone entirely – not replying to messages, letting calls go to voicemail, not recognizing a person in face-to-face interactions, etc.
Or, they may simply delete and block that person on all social media and end the friendship then and there.
In many regards, this is a survival tactic. By cutting ties with someone, a person with BPD is hoping to move forward in their own life. The only difficulty with this is sometimes you may find yourselves cutting ties with the wrong people. And, inevitably, you may regret ever making such a decision.
3.) Clinging to People
On the opposite side of the last personality trait, people with BPD may also find they’re clinging too much onto people. Again, this can be seen in both friends and family, but is probably most prevalent in romantic relationships.
Also similarly, this is another survival tactic people with BPD may find themselves engaging in. By attaching yourself to a person you admire, you hope you can thrive in your own life.
Though a little clingy isn’t necessarily bad, going overboard with the personality trait does come with consequences. You may steer people the wrong way and, inevitably, drive them out of your lives.
Being clingy can appear in a number of ways. In some cases, it can be obvious, but other times, it may be subtle. For example, people with BPD who are heavily attached to a person may find themselves trying to prolong conversations (either on the phone or in real life).
2.) Being Obsessed with Oneself
If you have BPD, you may find yourself constantly talking about yourself. So much so to the point where it feels like excess.
This isn’t uncommon in other individuals. In fact, top psychologists have found that majority of people would rather talk about themselves than others.
However, by talking about yourself in excess, you’re risking putting other people down. For example, if another person is experiencing a problem of their own and comes to you for advice, you may find you’re not able to properly engage in the conversation. Rather, you turn the conversation on yourself and leave the other feeling abandoned.
If you struggle with this personality trait, it’s important to try to get yourself into a routine where you recognize other people’s feelings.
1.) Taking Out Emotions on Others
Without a doubt, one of the most devastating effects BPD can have on those who struggle with it is the mental condition causes them to lash out their feelings onto other people.
This can appear in two different forms. The first is in a positive light. If you’re in a happy mood, you may find yourself shining smiles onto all those around you.
But more often than not, this appears in a more negative space. Whether you’re feeling sad or angry, you may find yourself taking these feelings out on someone else. Even if these feelings have nothing to do with that person.
Obviously, such a personality trait comes with consequences that far outweigh many of those mentioned here. You could lose friends or, even worse, create enemies.
If you have BPD and struggle with this personality trait, it’s vital you mention it to those you’re closest with. By having an open conversation about the topic, there’s a much better chance that person will understand when situations as such arise.
If you’re friends with someone with BPD and find they take emotions out on you, it’s important to try to understand their situation.
BPD is a very complex mental health condition that affects everyone differently. The personality traits mentioned above are merely a broad overview of the deeper issues at play when it comes to this illness.
If you are struggling with BPD, we guarantee you can overcome some of these inconsiderate traits. All it takes is a little time and effort and, with that, you can move past aspects of yourself that have been slowing you down.
If you are close with someone with BPD, there’s a lot you can do to help. By simply understanding their condition, you are already providing them with a better chance of long-term happiness and satisfaction. But if you decide to take the extra steps to help, you can really change that person’s life for the better.
Still have questions concerning inconsiderate traits of someone with borderline personality disorder?
We invite you to ask them in the comments section below. If you have any further advice or knowledge on the topic – whether professional or personal – we’d also love to hear from you.